Neurosis and neuroticism: mental disorders in healthy people. Psychological security How to get rid of the feeling of insecurity

How to overcome the feeling of helplessness?

Feeling helpless- a very unpleasant feeling. For emotional people who can cry for hours, experiencing a moment of their own helplessness can be an extremely serious shock.

Feeling helpless maybe stronger than us, because in early childhood, we were really helpless. In those moments when fear takes possession of us, it is difficult to understand that we are already adults and are no longer as helpless as we were in childhood.

Feeling helpless is a feeling we try to avoid. Since childhood, each of us has a fear of being powerless in front of external circumstances. This fear can cause a desire to control the unwanted actions of another person so that these actions do not hurt our ego.

How do you react when you feel helpless over other people's choices?

Do you get irritated and annoy other people?
Are you testing and judging other people?
Do you sink to the point that you take on the role of a victim and whine?
Explain and defend your position? Do you lecture people and teach them how to live?
Shutting yourself off from people and giving up your positive feelings for them?
Do you admit that for the sake of the desires of other people?
Do you go into resistance, doing the opposite of what others want you to do?

Why? What do you hope for when you engage in these protective and controlling behaviors?

Are you hoping to convince the other person to change?
Do you hope to avoid the pain that your own helplessness can cause you? Are you hoping to avoid feelings of loneliness and frustration that another person's "inappropriate" choice can lead you to?
Do you hope you will by "drowning out" the emotions of anxiety and panic?

When the act of another person makes us feeling of helplessness, loneliness or disappointment, we feel the need for a sense of security. We satisfy this need by controlling how the other person treats us and by trying not to be upset about what happened.

Another variant

The other option is very difficult for most of us. This option fully confirms that we, ultimately, have absolutely no control over the behavior of other people.

What would you do differently if you accepted this fact? How would you do it then?

I deliberately infuse deep compassion for myself, and this helps me cope with feelings of helplessness. I hate feeling of helplessness, like any other person, and I cannot say that I always succeed successfully. At times, when other people's behavior is extremely painful for me, I still succumb to childish panic and try to control the other person's behavior so that it does not hurt my feelings. I find it hard not to react when someone crosses the line, threatens to do so, or betrays my trust. But I also know how important it is to keep working in any case.

Once I understand that I am reacting to the other person's inappropriate behavior, I deliberately immerse myself in compassion for myself and lovingly help my inner child through the pain of loneliness and disappointment. I surround myself with the warmth and strength of my spirit guides and thus am not left alone with destructive feelings.

In that moment, I lovingly let go of the situation. I usually feel so desperate that I need to be alone and cry. Tears help to throw out negative energy in a natural way, so I do not dwell on the unpleasant moments of my life. Sometimes I feel angry and work on it. As a result, I fully accept that I cannot control the behavior of other people.

Constant conflicts, fighting injustice, disconnection with other people are the result of the fact that you cannot accept your own helplessness in front of other people. Take a moment to reflect on the importance of relationships in your life. Is there constant conflict and/or disconnection with other people in your life? Is this the result of your rejection of your own helplessness and unwillingness to go through unpleasant moments? You can learn to manage your feelings rather than keep trying to avoid them in ways that only create relationship problems.

It is enough to watch the news on TV, and it will become clear: in this world, little depends on us. However, even if you do not remember about global things, such as wars, terrorism, defaults, tsunamis, every person is constantly pursued by merciless everyday little things - from capricious children to bad weather. If you are a pedant and neat, that is, for one reason or another, you like to keep everything under control, to do it on time and in the right way, then you will not be envied! Feeling will become one of the main misfortunes of your life!

We can only repeat the age-old folk wisdom: anything can happen in life. Most of what happens is out of our control. However, it depends on us how we react to all this, and, therefore, how any event affects us emotionally, physically, financially, etc. The tips below will help you get rid of at least to some extent, even when it seems like the whole world is going to hell. Learn 11 ways to get rid of feelings of helplessness.

How to get rid of helplessness?

1. Locus control.

First of all, learn to distinguish between the controlled and the uncontrolled. Then try to really influence the first and put up with the second. This approach may seem a bit simplistic, but you'd be amazed at how many people still think they can control the traffic, the weather, the stock market, their bosses.

Make a list of things that are out of your control, no matter how hard you try. Hang it in a conspicuous place. And calm down. Of course, you can think about these events and try to somehow influence them. However, something else is important: to break off the emotional connection with them - to stop worrying about them.

2. Simple inventory.

When things get out of hand, sort through your closet or desk. This works well for psychotherapist Rebecca Fuller Ward, author of How to Save a Marriage Without Going Crazy. When Rebecca's mother was hospitalized with a heart attack, she began to clean up the pantry. "That's up to me for sure," whispered Rebecca.

3. Education and entertainment.

Find a new hobby. Mastering an unfamiliar occupation returns a sense of control over one's own life. When something bad happens, think and write down where you could. such introspection is not self-flagellation. This is another chance to say to myself: I can't control everything, but I control myself!

4. Far from ideal.

What should be done to prevent uncomfortable situations from happening again in the future? Let's say you're not appreciated at work. It makes no sense to blame the villainous fate or even the stupid boss. "It's better," advises psychologist Patricia Farrell, Ph.D., author of How to Be Your Own Therapist, "to consider whether you can change yourself to achieve better results." It may be time for you to take a critical look at yourself and do things differently. You need to come to work on time, complete tasks on time and with high quality. Having correctly understood your role in the development of the situation, you will surely conclude that our world is much more manageable than it seemed before.

5. Management.

When everything around you seems out of control, do something within your power. Master the complex of new. Make an entry in your diary. Pay for the apartment. Drive the car to the workshop.

6. Plan B

Avoid unexpected obstacles. For example, you invited many guests to your dacha, but on the appointed day it began to rain. We will accept the fact that we do not control the weather, but it depends on us where (say, in a house or a gazebo) and how (it is not necessary to fry barbecue in the yard) to hold this reception.

7. Make a list.

The most effective way to regain control over what is happening is to collect all the “must, must, must…” and write them down in a column. Then compose: how to complete each item from the list. Let's say, if you want to wish a friend a happy birthday, figure out and write down what you need to give, where this thing is sold when you go after it. Have you decided to arrange a general cleaning in the house? Break this point down into manageable sub-points. For example, on Monday you clean the kitchen, on Tuesday - the bathroom, etc.

8. Experiment.

Get used to uncontrollable situations.“For example, if you usually drive a family car, go somewhere with your “half”, pass the steering wheel to her,” suggests Larina Case, Doctor of Psychology. In conversations, ask to be interrupted more often. Let loved ones make plans for the weekend without your participation. Entrust one of them (preferably older) with paying family bills. This will help you learn, so to speak, humility before your own.

9. Do auto-training.

“It's better, of course, if an experienced hypnotist or psychotherapist is nearby, but usually you have to manage on your own,” says Dr. Farrell. Learn to say to yourself: “Everything will be fine. I can handle. And this will also end,” or at least “Now I’ll rest for five minutes, and then I’ll figure out how to solve this problem.”

10. Reassure yourself that you are in control.

According to Dr. Case, many studies say: the main thing is your own conviction that what is happening is under control. The real impact on him is not so important. A classic example is that it is much easier for a person to endure tropical heat if he is sure that he can always, say, jump into a cold pool. Think “purely theoretically”: in fact, is there really nowhere for you to get money if you suddenly find yourself completely broke? So why then be afraid of a sudden default?!

11. Focus on the process, not the result.

Specific operations, or at least movements, are usually subject to us, but their overall result is much less common. Psychotherapist Michael Crabtree invites us to consider the example of baseball player Mark McGuire of the Oakland Athletes: “He had poor results, as he didn’t just hit the ball, but constantly thought about the not very successful circle run after the hit. When he began to focus primarily on hitting, his approach to the game changed radically and his results improved markedly.”

When there is a “big turn” ahead, relax beforehand. Take a deep breath, drink a glass of tea. “Relaxation is an area that you control,” recalls Dr. Farrell.

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Both low-income people and millionaires can put material values at the forefront. But they are all driven by an unmet need for security, argues materialist psychologist Tim Kasser 1 . He uses the term "materialism" not in the usual sense of "the doctrine of the primacy of matter", but in the sense of "priority of material goods". This can be seen both as a symptom of inner self-doubt and as a coping strategy (although not always effective) used by those who are trying to get rid of the painful feeling of anxiety.

What creates a sense of insecurity?

Family parenting style

A number of psychological studies, including Tim Kasser's own research, confirm that a less caring and attentive parenting style causes a child to experience self-doubt and pursue materialistic goals in later life.

Parents of overly materialistic teenagers share three characteristics:

overly control their children, if not treat them like property, being convinced that they are unable to take care of themselves;

if a child misbehaves, harsh penalties are applied;

behave inconsistently: rules and punishments are used by them without any system understandable to the child.

In general, these parents do not make every effort to ensure that their children feel secure and self-sufficient. And those, in turn, begin to pursue material goals, believing that it is their achievement that will help them receive the much-desired approval.

Parental status

It is generally accepted that the richer the parents, the more self-serving the child, since children from wealthy families have everything they can wish for, and at the same time they want even more. However, research shows that this is not the case. When a child is not sure that he will be fed dinner tomorrow, that he will have a roof over his head, and that he can safely go outside without fear, this often leads to a chronic feeling of insecurity. This feeling can last a lifetime, and even if the financial situation stabilizes, it still manifests itself in clear materialistic tendencies.

Divorce of parents

Research by Aric Rindfleisch and colleagues has shown that a child usually receives less love and care as a result of a divorce. Trying to fill this gap and feel safe, protected and connected with the close ties around them, children begin to actively pursue materialistic goals, believing that wealth will provide them with this.

Women looking for rich men

Is the statement true: “A woman needs four animals in her life: a mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a donkey who will pay for it all”? This well-known cliche is confirmed by dozens of psychological studies conducted in different countries, writes Tim Kasser. When respondents are asked what characteristics they would like to see in a partner, women are much more likely than men to prefer wealth, ambition, and high status.

Research by Tim Kasser and Yadika Sharma shows that where women are less likely to be educated, they are less confident that they can provide for themselves; feeling insecure, they approach their choice of partner from a more materialistic standpoint 3 .

Insecurity and low self-esteem

As already mentioned, materialists often grow up in families with a rigid parenting style. Such an environment usually negatively affects a person's self-esteem. Not surprisingly, materialistic values are often combined with low self-esteem. If such a person achieves his goals - makes a career, earns a million, he has positive feelings for himself. But, alas, they are short-lived, and his self-esteem is unstable. Soon he will face new challenges and threats that can easily "drop" his self-esteem. This is the so-called conditional self-esteem, which depends on external factors such as money, status, admiration of others.

Frequent stressful situations, increased agitation and anxiety, emotional instability and mental discomfort at the modern pace of life are no longer surprising.

However, the frequent manifestation of symptoms can be a signal of a real personality disorder - neuroticism, and over time - neurosis.

Even healthy people are prone to neuroses. How to cope with neuroses and how to deal with neurotic states will be discussed in this article.

Neurosis manifests itself as a painful condition in conditions of exhaustion of the nervous system. This is a personality disorder, the main expression of which is the instability of a person's mental health: frequent hysterical states and irritability.

Neuroticism even emotionally stable, mentally healthy people are affected. This condition is characterized by increased anxiety. Excessive worries about appearance, sexual life, confidence in one's own morbidity, and even anxiety about the safety of the home, with frequent regular manifestations, are signals of the development of neuroticism. Normally, such manifestations of anxiety are adequate, since they are the result of caring for loved ones, an expression of the instinct of self-preservation and are aimed at ensuring physical and moral security. However, constant concern plays a cruel joke with a person. Anxious thoughts become obsessive, not allowing you to be distracted by work and study, communication and life.

Recognizing the symptoms of neuroticism

This kind of anxiety is accompanied by signs of a violation of not only the mental, but also the physical health of a person.

So, neuroticism manifests itself:

abrupt mood swings;
insomnia;
inadequate self-esteem (underestimated or overestimated);
low level of stress resistance, vulnerability;
fast fatigue;
increased sweating and palpitations;
disorders of the cardiovascular and digestive systems.

Over time, these signs intensify, and the feeling of permanent anxiety does not leave the person. This condition also negatively affects relationships with others. Even with a favorable development of events, a person begins to see problems where they do not exist, feels a sense of insecurity.

Also, within the framework of "anxiety neurosis" or "anxiety neurosis", Sigmund Freud at the end of the last century described "anxiety attacks" or panic attacks(vegetative crisis). You need to know that panic neurosis is treatable and the sooner you contact a specialist doctor, the more successful the treatment will be.

Reasons for the manifestation of neurosis

In order to successfully overcome neurotic disorders, it is necessary to reveal the nature of their development. The causes of neuroticism have become the subject of research by many well-known psychologists, psychotherapists and psychiatrists. The greatest contribution to the study of neuroticism and neurosis belongs to Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, Alfred Adler, the creator of individual psychology, Fritz Perls, the first Gestalt therapist, and Karen Horney, who developed the foundations of humanistic psychoanalysis.

According to research Sigmund Freud, the causes of neuroticism can be considered the suppression of natural drives that can bring pleasure - sex and aggression. The restriction of such desires occurs as a result of education, social condemnation. Such suppression brings discomfort even with external well-being and becomes the cause of the development of neuroticism. Internal experiences come to the fore, a person feels unhappy and complicates the life of others.

According to Alfred Adler, the cause of neuroticism is the suppression of not only biological, but also social needs. The latter include the desire to dominate, which manifests itself at an early age and, as it grows up, encounters more and more obstacles. The feeling of one's own weakness flows into Adler's inferiority complex, which is extremely painfully perceived by ambitious people who want to lead and dominate. The person becomes vulnerable and aggressive, cannot resist failure and humiliates others. These reasons lead to permanent internal imbalance.

Restriction by social conventions is the cause of neuroticism according to Fritz Perls. Suppression of desires from within and as a result of social imposition is manifested in emotional overstrain, which leads to an emotional explosion, breaking mental stability, destroying a person’s personality and social life.

Karen Horney, exploring neuroticism and neurosis in women, came to the conclusion that the reason for this is the suppression of the female "I" in a world ruled by men. The need to compete, to meet the conditions put forward by men, creates frequent stressful situations for women. That is why women are more emotionally unstable than men, suffer from mood swings and self-esteem, seek to attract attention at any cost.

An increased level of neuroticism causes irreparable damage to human health. Do not lose sight of the signs of the development of the disorder in the early stages, when mental discomfort can be explained by external circumstances.

Relieve a person from emotional instability and anxiety will help therapeutic techniques during the sessions of psychologists and psychotherapists. The task of doctors is to relieve tension, teach a person to let his desires go in the right direction and form a positive vision and an adequate reaction to what is happening.

Effective is relaxation techniques training, thanks to which a person can independently resist stress and overcome difficulties. In addition, for the prevention and treatment of neuroticism, specialists use the techniques of neurolinguistic programming and suggestion (suggestion).

To consolidate the therapeutic effect, antidepressants may be prescribed by a doctor on an individual basis. Their effect is manifested in improving sleep and reducing anxiety, the gradual normalization of mental balance.

As a prevention of neurosis, it is recommended to maintain the strength of the body and take vitamins, drugs, improve blood supply to the brain, metabolism.

In addition, it is important support from loved ones. Normal relationships, love and care of relatives develop a sense of security and harmony.

Neuroticism depresses the personality, overshadows the bright colors in the life of a person and those around him. The combination of various methods and a complex of supportive drugs is an effective means of combating progressive anxiety, allows you to return peace of mind, feel the joys of life again and regain yourself!

Good health and good mood!