The man you love is going to introduce you to your mother. How to survive this meeting and even enjoy it?
In the life of every girl, sooner or later there comes a crucial day that can change her whole life. First meeting with his parents.
When another friend says: “And then he introduced me to his parents,” images from Hollywood films flash before my eyes, where human race makes contact with aliens for the first time. Every movement and gesture must be verified down to the millimeter, because the future of civilization, that is, your relationship, depends on it. A mistake that later becomes fatal can be made by any party.
Preparing for a meeting with parents
Once my friend N. was dating a man for whom she had far-reaching plans. And then came That Day - the first acquaintance with the guy’s parents. Inspired, N. ate his mother’s buns and sang praises to her culinary abilities. Mom fed N. the most delicious morsels and praised her appetite.
N. already imagined herself in wedding dress when my mother said: “Look how the girl eats.” Not like the hanger you came with the day before yesterday. Me too, model!”
Compliments to her borscht and cat are welcome!
Another friend of mine once said that, in her opinion, only crazy old women keep cats, without noticing the black cat Murzik, lounging proprietorially on an armchair.
But, despite all the excesses and mental anguish, in general, getting to know your mother is a very useful procedure, I would even say, of strategic importance. And this, undoubtedly, is worth the nerves and money spent on a special Particularly Decent Blouse (which can then only be worn to a gala dinner with his grandmother).
After meeting the mother of your beloved man, much becomes clear about his character.
If earlier you wondered where he got his strange dictatorial habits from and why he demanded that you write him SMS saying that you walked into the entrance, went up to your floor, ended up in the apartment and locked yourself up, then from the moment you met his mother - the investigator will everything fall into place.
Does he know the symptoms of all known and some unknown diseases and diagnose them in himself, you and others? Having met your mother, a doctor, you will stop wondering why you are happy in the form of her son, and you will think about vitamins and acupuncture. But these are minor things.
The best thing is that, firstly, he takes you seriously, because he doesn’t introduce anyone to his mother (except for the investigator’s mother, who demands that all female acquaintances be examined).
And secondly, and most importantly, if the first meeting is successful, then you and your mother will be able to unite and together you will be practically invincible. So turn on all your charm. In war, all means are good. Compliments on her borscht, cat and pale purple hair color are welcome.
And as a reward, you will receive for your birthday a blouse of exactly the same style as the one you were wearing when you met. And her son to boot.
Let's summarize: meeting a guy's mother for the first time is far from easy, but if you follow certain tips, then everything will go well.
1. Remember that most of your efforts should be directed towards charming his beloved mother. Undoubtedly, dad is the head of the family. But in many cases, his opinion of his future daughter-in-law is based on his wife’s impression of her.
Discard the idea that you need to give your parents some kind of souvenir. If the mother of your loved one is the type of especially vigilant person, then in such a gift she will see nothing more than outright bribery on your part. As a result of this, throughout the entire meeting she will begin to look for those shortcomings in you that, in her opinion, you tried to cover with a gift.
2. The second reason why you should not give anything to his parents is that you may simply not please their taste preferences. And, in the end, you will be accused of either lack of taste, or of trying to show off your money.
It is better to give gifts when you are close to his family and can easily identify those gifts that will immediately please them.
3. As soon as you enter his parental home, the smile on your lips should not disappear for a moment. Even if you are greeted with unexpected coldness, try to be friendly. Remember often that your smile helped you charm your lover on your first dates. It is possible, in the case of the first visit to his parents, that a smile will help hide the embarrassment from his mother’s gaze.
4. Acquaintance, most likely, will not be complete without a feast. Don't go overboard with drinking glasses of wine. Don't forget to motherly look after your lover at the table. In this way, you will make it clear to his mother that he will pass from her hands to no less loving ones.
5. When answering questions about your plans for life, try to give answers that are closely connected with the interests of your loved one.
6. If they ask about your family, no matter what, describe it as if it is the best in the world.
The most important thing to remember is that when going to such an important meeting, take naturalness with you, forgetting pride and rudeness at home, and then you are guaranteed a successful completion of the acquaintance.
Video materials on the topic of the article
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When it comes to the relationship between a girl and her boyfriend's or fiancé's mother, there is often a little tension. This complex relationship between two ladies has not lost its relevance for many centuries, and a huge number of anecdotes, folk wisdom and proverbs, great thing about that proof.
In this article we will look at the etiquette of meeting parents, the first meeting, and more precisely, its physical and emotional aspects.
We will not consider situations where there is an interracial, cultural, age, or ideological gap between two loving hearts. Let's take a standard couple with more or less similar worldviews.
When a girl meets a guy's parents, who should be the initiator?
First of all, you need to understand that the very proposal to meet your parents should come from the guy. Why is this important?
- Because if a man is in a relationship, then he is a real man, next to whom you can be a woman.
- If a young man talks about it, it good sign. The boy has matured to serious relationship, and really considers you the very, only beloved with whom he would like to share his life.
A situation where a young man is forced to introduce his girlfriend to his parents most often leads to negative consequences. Therefore, you need to be sure that your acquaintance is truly an act of goodwill.
I'm afraid to meet you!
Of course, anxiety creeps into the heart of every girl after an invitation to meet the groom’s parents. Fear is caused by several factors:
- life principle: the more expensive the relationship, the more difficult it is to hide excitement;
- and the understanding that at this meeting there will be a real assessment of you as a person.
Therefore the phrase : I’m afraid to meet people, this is the first thing a girl can say after realizing where her loved one invited her.
Simple advice: relax, don’t worry, don’t worry, etc. are very easy to say, but incredibly difficult to implement.
What to do? How to meet your parents when, even by simply admitting these thoughts, a very strong excitement begins, your legs turn to stone, your heart beats madly, and your tongue treacherously confuses your words.
October 18, 2015
Sooner or later, the development of relationships leads to the fact that it is time to meet the parents. And no matter how much we reassure ourselves, we are all just nervous. After all, this is a meeting with the parents of the chosen one and you need to show yourself in all your glory. How can you prove yourself on the good side in front of your boyfriend’s parents? We'll talk about these subtleties.
The opinions of parents are very important for a guy. After all, these people raised and educated him. No matter what the guy tells you and no matter how much he reassures you, he will take into account the opinions of his parents. Therefore, prepare properly for your acquaintance.
There is no need to be nervous and refuse a meeting. They simply won't understand you. You need to understand that sooner or later this would happen. And you must pass this test with dignity. Understand that your future relationship with the guy’s parents will depend on how you present yourself. It is very important that they be your allies in the future. Since parents can influence your family relationships and it’s good when such influence is positive.
Let's consider the subtleties of behavior when meeting a guy's parents:
1. The initial stage is collecting information. Ask your loved one more about his parents. Namely, where they work, what they do, what their lifestyle is, in general, find out everything that might be useful.
2. Ask your guy for a favor. Agree with him in advance so that he leaves you alone with his ancestors as little as possible.
3. Prepare conversation templates. When you meet, you will need to talk about something. To avoid conversations in which you will feel uncomfortable, throw in a couple of interesting topics in your head in which you will be like a duck to water. If during communication the conversation goes in the wrong direction, try to smoothly return to your patterns.
4. Remember your parents' names. It is very important when communicating to already call parents by name and patronymic. This suggests that you are not too lazy to learn their names and they are important people to you.
5. Modest, tasteful clothing. As they say, you are greeted by your clothes and escorted by your mind. There is no need to dress provocatively; older people don’t like that. A beautiful dress will come in handy. Makeup and hairstyle are best left casual.
6. Take something tasty with you. You shouldn't go empty-handed. But don't take alcoholic drinks so they don't think badly of you. A cake, sweets or delicious cookies for tea will come in handy.
7. When communicating, speak calmly and naturally. The main thing is not to be silent, but also do not speak a thousand words per minute. Under no circumstances should you interrupt your parents and boyfriend in a conversation; try to listen to the end and only then answer. To prevent the acquaintance from developing into an interrogation, try to ask your parents in response about certain things. If you are embarrassed, you should not hide it too much; a spark of feeling is better than feigned calmness.
8. Smile and compliments. What else can brighten up communication so much as a compliment to parents about deliciously prepared dishes. The same can be said about the beautiful arrangement of furniture and arrangement in the apartment. Your future mother-in-law will be glad to hear that she is a good housewife. But you need to know the norm; too many compliments can have a bad effect on your acquaintance.
9. Offer your help. You must show the guy's mother that you are not her competitor, but her assistant. Therefore, at the table, when it comes to tea, cut a cake, and at the end of the conversation even offer to help wash the dishes. Believe me, such words will not remain behind the scenes.
10. Don’t use the word my boyfriend (boyfriend’s name). For now it is not only yours, but also your parents’. They may see this as selfishness on your part.
11. Ask your parents to show you family photos with your boyfriend. This will bring you closer.
12. Acquaintance – important information for you. Look at the guy's family model. Most likely he will build such a model with you.
13. Leave on time. It is important to see when the dialogue comes to an end and politely thank you for delicious dinner and good conversationalists. Let me also remind you that before you leave, help your mom clear the table. This will be an extra bonus point for you.
There is nothing supernatural about meeting your parents. Behave calmly and naturally. Don't wear a big mask because you'll eventually have to take it off. Therefore, sincerity is a trait that is important for a guy’s parents to see in you.
Before you go meet your boyfriend's parents, find out more about them. Ask your boyfriend about their interests, hobbies, and character. By getting mentally ready to meet them, you will feel much more confident.
When going to visit, take care of purchasing small souvenirs for his relatives. You can buy gifts based on their interests, or if you don’t know what they are interested in, then it’s better to buy something neutral. For example, a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates for mom, a bottle of cognac for dad. When choosing some more personal gifts, don't go for the most expensive one. This may be seen by parents as an attempt to butter them up. If your boyfriend has brothers and sisters who will be present at your meeting, then you can buy a souvenir for them too.
You should dress with your parents in clothes that make you feel comfortable and confident. But at the same time your appearance must be neat. If in everyday life you wear original, outrageous clothes, then for the first acquaintance it is still better to give preference to more traditional outfits.
What to talk about with your boyfriend's parents? Of course, about your beloved. His mom and dad will be pleased if you ask about his childhood, how he behaved when he was little, what achievements he had at school, etc. This will show that you are genuinely interested in their son. Also answer questions about your life openly and friendly. You can even prepare before meeting and remember some funny facts from your biography.
During the conversation, do not be nervous, be yourself. Tune in to the fact that the parents of your chosen one are ordinary people, they will not do anything bad to you. Most likely, they themselves are worried about the outcome of the acquaintance. Smile. Smiling is a great way for people to approach you and relieve nervous tension.
If you did something wrong, don't be scared or worried. Calmly apologize for your mistake; an incident can happen to anyone. If you feel that the acquaintance is not working out, then maybe you should just leave and try to improve the relationship another time. Perhaps today your boyfriend’s mother feels bad, so she cannot give you the attention she deserves. Or before your arrival, your parents quarreled among themselves, and this does not contribute to a good mood.
If you want to establish friendly relations with his family, then you need to make some efforts and spend a little time, then you will definitely succeed!
If your boyfriend announces that he has decided to introduce you to his parents, you can be proud and happy: this means that, firstly, he respects you, and secondly, he has quite serious intentions. But most girls after such news begin to get seriously nervous. This is quite natural: the first meeting will largely determine your future relationship with your future mother-in-law.
Don’t worry too much: no matter what your loved one’s mother turns out to be, she won’t do anything bad to you, she won’t bite or kill you. The worst thing that can happen is that some misunderstanding arises between you. To prevent this from happening, remember a few rules:
1. Don't try to please everyone. Be yourself, act naturally. But still, ask the young man in advance: how strict is his mother, what does she like, what topics are preferable to talk about, and what is better not to talk about at all (for example, disagreements can be caused by issues of religion, nationality, politics, etc.)
2. Dress comfortably and moderately modestly. Try to find a middle ground between a seductive outfit and a formal suit. Let clothes that are too conservative be reserved for business meetings. Neutral ensemble – best choice. In the future, you will be able to demonstrate to his mother your subtle taste and creativity.
3. If they start asking you who your parents are, what they do, and how much they earn, don’t get annoyed or offended. This is a natural interest for a guy’s mother; she wants to know what family his chosen one is from. Answer politely, but briefly; you shouldn’t tell all family secrets at the first meeting.
4. Don't talk too much. You can “throw in” an interesting topic, say a couple of phrases, and then listen carefully to what his mother says, inserting a few words from time to time.
5. Don't argue! Elderly people sometimes like to provoke young people into arguments, and more than one conflict has arisen because of this.
6. Public display of tender feelings is a sign of not very good upbringing. You shouldn't hug or kiss your boyfriend in front of his mom. But you don’t need to break out indignantly if he wants to cheer you up with a handshake or hug you by the shoulders.
7. Don’t overindulge in alcohol! Do you think this will help you relax? Sometimes yes, but only if you can stop at one glass of wine. Excess alcohol is a big minus for my son’s girlfriend.
8. During the “meeting at high level“Try to turn the conversation to the hostess of the house. Unobtrusively ask about her work, praise the cake, ask for the recipe. No pie? Still, find something to praise - indoor flowers, for example, or an embroidered napkin.
9. Demonstrate good manners and ability to handle cutlery.
10. Even if you feel obvious hostility and aggression, do not get lost or withdrawn. This problem is not yours, but that of the person who is showing this very aggression. And you continue to smile sweetly and talk calmly, waiting for the moment when you can thank you for the evening, get up and say goodbye.
And remember: meeting a guy’s parents is an opportunity to learn more about your chosen one. You might hear some really interesting things, so pay attention.
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